Why Are Men So Afraid Of Commitment?

As always, I don’t speak for a whole group of people just because I am an element in the set.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Two people decide that they love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Despite the fact that most people won’t die at the same exact age, 41 to 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. I’m pretty sure that this is a well-known fact and I’m not trying to discourage marriage, but I’d like to explain why marriage is scary to me personally. This is one supporting fear, not so much marriage, but divorce.

#1 – Divorce. I don’t like to go into any venture with a negative outlook, but the number of divorce seems to be everywhere. Everyone makes mistakes, but divorce is a pretty big one. Being a former math teacher, I recognize that everyone makes mistakes (and the importance of erasers on pencils). Everyday mistakes include missing a lay-up in a pick up game, getting dissed by a random chick, or tripping over your own feet walking down the street. Divorce makes up a different set of mistakes. Other mistakes in that group are accidentally running over a child with your car, tripping over your own feet with a pencil in your hand and poking Mike Tyson in the eye with that pencil, or confronting the other man that’s having sex with your girlfriend in the back of the car you bought on Cheaters and getting knocked out 2 minutes later for the world to see.

For a better understanding see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w8Wp6dsQDo

#2 – Death. In my personal and possibly selfish opinion, the union of husband and wife would also represent the death of self for me. Not literally, but in taking on the responsibility of heading a family you have to make major changes. That to me means, lots of sacrifice, including your own personal happiness. I have seen and heard so many cases where people stay at a job they hate because of the need to provide for a family. I can’t help but compare it to my most recent career situation. For the current me, the loss of a job was pride crushing and insulting. For married me, that would have meant extreme financial hardship, an excuse for my wife to tell everyone that I’m worthless and get advice that she can do better, and possibly a drug or alcohol addiction. It’s not that I’m not willing to give up my own life and dedicate it to the happiness of a child, but I still feel too young to give up self-happiness. Maybe I just haven’t experiences the amount of happiness as most others or maybe happiness for others is providing happiness for someone other than themselves.

#3 – Change. I believe in sayings although I know that many of them are contradictory and situational. Two sayings that have always resonated with me are, “Never say never” and “Nothing lasts forever.” Of course, never say never because I’m a math teacher and that’s a double negative (a negative times a negative is a positive). No, but seriously these both made a lot of sense to me. Nothing lasts forever, really stood out to me when Andre 3000 used it in one of his songs (Hey Ya!). By the end of college, most people recognize that they’re completely different than they were in high school. That’s only 8 years! So what do you do 12 years into a marriage, when bodies and mentalities have changed? For many people, it doesn’t matter because at that point their love for their children and financial ties will take care of thoughts of divorce.

I’m sure that within 2-3 years after writing this I’ll be married, but I felt the desire to share this thought while I was thinking it. This may not answer many questions, but hopefully it will inspire thought which is a big part of the reason I write my blogs.