Outkast

Many times I feel like an outkast in life. No, not a member of the popular hip hop group that creates music that resonates with millions across this country and refers to themselves as Outkast. I feel more like the dictionary defined outcast: a person who is rejected or cast out, as from home or society. However, I do prefer the more popular outkast spelling.

As a kid, I grew up in very different environments. I used to think that it would benefit me as a person to know the experience of having grown up in the ghetto and having grown up in a senior citizens trailer park. However, I wonder if this helped to make me the outkast that I am today. Obviously, I didn’t feel like I fit in at a senior citizens trailer park because I was the only kid playing outside and people kept telling management about me. You would think that it would be much better in the ghetto, but it wasn’t. The ghetto is only appealing in rap videos or when you have embraced the idea of being ghetto. When you’re not “balling” or pretending to, you’re not a drug dealer, you’re not the complaining old man, and you’re not in a gang, you’re just the lame nigga in the ghetto.

In high school, I played sports, but I also appreciated education. I never got straight A’s, but I never failed a class. I enjoyed talking to and interacting with others, but I was shy too. I appreciated all girls black white and in between, but none of them appreciated me. I was always too short, too young, or not bad enough. I recall middle school when I got my 2 year crushes phone number right before she got kicked out of school. I called her and she asked if I smoked bud. When I said no, I got laughed off the phone. I’m sure that if I had gotten the nerd girls number she would have laughed me off the phone when I told her I didn’t know how to work with derivatives.

Luckily college came around. I chose to go to a historically black college. Naturally, I would fit in there. Unfortunately, a lot of the guys there were from middle class environments, but seemed to want to be ghetto superstars. I was in the ROTC program where I met lots of people and seemingly made friends. I keep in touch with one of those people. Then I did something I never thought I do. I joined a fraternity. There I found a close friend, the guy from ROTC. I still keep in touch with people; they just don’t keep in touch with me.

Sometimes I regret having gone to a historically black college because I feel like I didn’t have the networking skills to take advantage of my environment and I could have gotten a better education somewhere else. I’m sure I could have managed one friend from another college. I feel like two people in one. The guy nobody likes and the other guy nobody likes.

After college, I moved to New York and I was determined to be social. I talked to everybody. My friends would say there’s no way anyone would describe me as shy. Ask anyone that knows of me today, how they would describe me. Life just feels like The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears for me, except baby bear doesn’t exist and there’s no porridge that is just right.

Too cool for the nerds, too smart for the jocks, too black for the white groups and not black enough for the black groups. Too educated to be a janitor, not educated enough to be a doctor. Too rich for public housing, too poor for any other housing.

Homosexuality

I have tried to have a conversation about the topic with several homosexual and heterosexual people and the result is usually a heated exchange on the other person’s end. Usually the heterosexual person will agree with my views and add their more extreme views. The heterosexual person that gets upset usually has a close friend or family member that is homosexual is offended by my view. Maybe I don’t get upset about it because I’m not homosexual. However, I don’t feel like the conversation takes the tone of a racist explaining why black people are inferior. I personally feel like the debate is more closely related to a child inquiring and questioning a faith. The child’s curiosity leads them to question things that the believer feels should not be questioned based on their faith. My feelings or view on homosexuality are just that and I discuss it in order to gain more perspective and possibly a better understanding.

Before I continue, I would like to clarify my position. I am not homophilic (if that’s a word), however I am also not homophobic. There are characteristic in a person that I do not respect that can sometimes apply to homosexuals, but they can also apply to heterosexuals. I do not respect people trying to be something that they are not. Having an appreciation for something other than what you are is very respectable in my opinion. I would like to use the movie “The Last Dragon” as an example. In that movie, Bruce Leroy has a great admiration for the Asian culture, but his expression of that admiration is disturbing to me. He admires it to the extent that he mocks his own culture. A good counter-example to that is Eminem. Although his possesses an admiration for black culture, he doesn’t say nigga out of respect for the culture and he acknowledges and loves his (white) people. In terms of homosexuality, I don’t agree with homosexuals, men that like men behaving as women that like men or vice versa. I understand that this can get tricky with sex changes, but that’s another blog.

The most common debate that I encounter is about whether or not homosexuality is choice. The most common answer I receive is that no one would be willing put themselves through the torture of admitting they were homosexual if it were a choice. My arguments are as follows:

1) If homosexuality is not a choice then it would have to be genetic. Many people try to link homosexuality to genetics. If this theory is proven then I will retract my statements, but I can’t imagine how this is possible. Genetically, homosexuals cannot procreate so then the gene would have to be a recessive one. If that is the case whenever two homosexuals have the gene they would not be able to reproduce it and the gene would become scarcer. However, homosexuality in our society is growing from the reproduction of heterosexuals.

2) I believe I chose to be heterosexual. Meaning that if I wanted to have sex with men, all I would need to do it pursue the option. Genetically, I can’t change my mind about being short or decide to change my race. Many people don’t believe in dating outside of their race. Was this a learned behavior or a genetic trait? If someone chooses to date a person outside of their race, but no one in their family has ever done that before does that then become a genetic trait?

I don’t hate gay people in any way shape or form. I’m not sure how I feel about gay marriage, but only because I view this as a religious practice and most religious views don’t support gay marriage. On the political end, I support people being able to chose who they marry. I don’t get offended by people challenging my views so if you would like to share, I’d love to hear what you have to say. Keep in mind you don’t have to get upset or disrespect in order to challenge an idea.