Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?

I hate it when I can’t sleep, especially when I need to wake up early the next morning.

It seems like my mind wonders on forever with no end in sight.  My thoughts tonight led me back about 6 or 7 years to one of my previous relationships.  I remember a conversation that I had with an ex about sex.  It was a crazy conversation, but it doesn’t feel taboo to discuss it in this blog.  Like many of my other thoughts, I feel like this conversation was about sex but applies to life.  We were talking about why she doesn’t try to make sex great every time she does it.  Her argument was that if she tried her best every time then it wouldn’t be special when she did.  I argued that if you apply that concept to school then she would intentionally be a C student so that her parents would appreciate it more when she got an A.  We debated all night and I’m still not sure that there’s a right answer.

I fully understood her perspective because I feel like in order to appreciate good times; you have to have bad times.  I think about how much I agree with that stance and at the same time how much I disagree with it.  I recently commented on a blog (yeah, I’m not sure why either) about a former skinhead that went through a great deal of pain to have his racist tattoos removed.  Although I could understand why people felt like this was a good act I also couldn’t understand how you could applaud a person who used to hate and has decided to stop hating when there are so many that never hated in the first place.  It made me feel like I should have been a worse kid so that when I decided to turn my life around I would get more attention.  Somehow, I don’t think it really works that way for black people in America.  Compare the number of people that know Malcolm X as a hateful racist person to those that know of his view changes later in life.  Then again, he wasn’t a skinhead and didn’t go through a painful procedure to have his tattoos removed.

Alright, back to the title.  Does absence make the heart grow fonder?  I think about the fact that people look forward to the weekend so much.  When people get a vacation they travel or do something to celebrate.  However, when people have all week off because they’re unemployed or retired, they get depressed and feel useless.  When you have a crush on a person you are overwhelmed with love for that person.  Flowers are given, doors opened, constant touching but eventually that gets old or people use the excuse that they got old and things change.  If not for distance or some form of absence, things seem to get harder to appreciate.  It makes me wonder how people do any particular thing for any length of time.  For some reason, this concept is easy to understand based on how and to whom it’s presented.  If you ask anyone about eating the same food every day most people would agree that at some point they get tired of it.  Some people would argue that they could eat pizza every day if its prepared differently, but some would realize that even though they love pizza that would not be as tempting as egg foo young after having pizza for a week straight.  If you apply this concept to anything else then it becomes a great debate.  Personally, I’m tired of restless nights.

Nervous Confidence

I’m still not exactly sure when I got the balls to actually propose.  With my negative-real perspective on life, I always figured that I’d gather the courage to propose later.  Never did I think later would be now.  How do you decide what person you are going to be with for the rest of your life?  Before I did it I think I put life into perspective a little bit.  I feel like moments like this cross our paths all the time, but we never give them as much thought.  For so many men, there is a similar very short lived question that possesses the same or more impact on our lives:  What if she gets pregnant?  For some reason that question doesn’t carry nearly as much weight in terms of decision making, but usually requires a longer commitment .  I’m an analogy thinker and my mind always attempts to make experiences connect.

My latest connection, wrestling and proposing.  I guess to be more general I could just say competition and proposing.  There is a certain feeling that you get right before a competition.  Before I would go into a match, I definitely had confidence in myself, but there was a nervousness that came along with it.
'This guy looks huge, but I’m going to win anyway.'
'This guy looks like he’s never trained before, but what if he catches me slipping.'
I think all the time about the fact that I’m going to be married sooner than later.  I’m very confident that the woman I will be marrying is a wonderful person, but in this case disagreements and lack of self-confidence causes me nervousness.  Am I the husband type?  Growing up I’ve had girls tell me that I’m the relationship type, but I’m not sure that means the same thing.  I also worry about the disagreements.  They happen all the time in every relationship, but do I have the ability to contain my anger and not allow the straw to break the camel’s back (the disagreement to end the relationship)?

With the commonality of major decisions, I figured that I should be used to it.  I could have been scared to choose the wrong college.  Instead of just picking the one I thought was best, I could have continued learning my entire life and never have obtained a degree.  Everyone knows someone like that in terms of relationships, usually someone you refer to as family because they’ve always been there but never actually married into the family.  Maybe that’s why they call it common law.  Or I could have let the decision choose me.  I could have just waited until I got the letter in the mail saying, 'Come to my school and you’ll earn millions more over your lifetime.'*  I feel like people let decisions choose them a lot.  When I think about my mentality in wrestling it helps to relieve some of the anxiety.  Regardless of the match I always worked hard and I very rarely got pinned (never by my count and 3 times by crappy officials).  I’m sure this won’t be an easy match, but I’m confident that I’ll win.

* subject to ambition, socioeconomic status, drive, quality of education, who you know and luck, loans/loan interest not included

NBA Lockout

A few months ago, I had a conversation with a fraternity brother about celebrities/athletes.  He felt like he worked really hard to achieve his engineering degree and athletes shouldn’t make so much more than him.  I partially agreed.  Earlier today, I saw an article in a newspaper that said, “In a time in this country when smart, talented, intelligent people are struggling to make ends meet, faced with actual problems – not fake ones in sports – they’re actually thinking of canceling the season.”  This statement and many other thoughts about professional athletes spurred me to write this blog.  Granted I’m not an professional athlete, I feel that I’m open-minded enough to think about lives & situations outside of my own.

I wonder why athletes are scrutinized so heavily.  I feel as though I already know a possible answer and therefore shouldn’t wonder, so maybe a better question is why are people so short sighted?  Athletes are scrutinized because their salaries are publicized and addressed so often by the media.  Does anyone ever think about the owners’ salaries?  No.  Why?  Because no one really even knows who “the owners” are.  They avoid media coverage and being scrutinized by the public.  I studied a book about society that talks about the perceptions we possess in America.  We perceive rich people as having earned their money and poor people as the opposite.  Apparently this only applies to the non-athlete rich.  I guess in order to be smart, talented, & intelligent you would have to possess the talent to be a professional athlete and turn down the option to make millions.

As I drive through cities and suburbs, I often find myself wondering how hard people in luxurious homes worked to earn their status in society.  I guess they would be the owners of everyday society and accurately so since they own much of the property.  What exactly does a person have to do in order to earn their status?  I figure that not every person living in an above average position is a doctor/lawyer and has paid their dues through schooling.  Does schooling determine effort & worth?  What about the person who inherited wealth & status?  Should that person then be forced to earn their worth or should they be the beneficiaries of their ancestor’s hard work and how fair is that concept?

Although I’m not a professional athlete, I feel that they work hard in order to achieve what they have achieved.  They don't shovel rocks for 8 hours a day, but they practice extensively, every aspect of their lives is criticized & examined, and they perform on a stage regularly for about the same amount of time.  Is the stress they endure and the effort they put forth really that worthless, especially in comparison to the owners of the teams they work for?  They risk their health and well being to entertain millions.  Police officers & soldiers risk their lives everyday at work, so who then should take the financial hit and who is worth the least in society?  I think from the perspective of those who dissect athletes’ worth so much, it definitely shouldn’t be the owners.  Maybe a class in economics or an economist's feedback would do me well.  Regardless, I think people should be more considerate, especially people in the media whose opinions have such great power.