Thursday, December 10, 2015

Black Lives Matter & Chicago Protests

I take issue with the fact that young black men are being murdered without repercussion or justification.  For the most part, the United States is opposed to the death penalty.  In other words, we don't want a highly educated and community appointed judge to make the decision on whether an accused criminal that has been found guilty in the court of law should be put to death or not.  However, many people in the same society fight for the right of less educated and more biased police officers to take the lives of young black men that they perceive as guilty in the heat of a moment.  The reason for the black lives matter campaign in my eyes is the previous sentence.  That sentence does not include police taking the lives of all men or all people, but a specific group of people.  The same group which the court of law and those appointed to uphold the law don't seem to care about.

When considering protesting, in my mind I tried to come up with a sign that would express my views properly.  Saying or promoting an idea that only resonates with the same group of people that already care almost defeats the purpose to me.  So, I wanted to express my views to those who are defenders of the right to take black (in their eyes, dangerous) lives.  Many that fight for the right of police officers come from the view point that these officers were in a dangerous situation and should be praised for doing their job and getting criminals off of the street.  The entire concept of innocent until proven guilty is thrown out of the door because a person ran from the police or was in the "wrong" neighborhood or was perceived to be dangerous.  The perception of dangerous in America means you're either black or you have a weapon and tattoos all over your body.

Maybe I could hold up a sign that says Arrest Don't Annihilate or Life Over Prejudice or Let Judges Judge And Police Police.  Somehow, I don't feel like a majority of people are sending that message.  My concern would be that my efforts would be misconstrued as a defense for criminals, the same way that I view supporters of police criminals.   Maybe the sign I should hold should say I Support Police Officers Not Police Criminals.  I think that message would be a miss for most.

A part of the reason I didn't protest is because I didn't feel like I did my part in researching the details of the incidents that took place.  I knew that another black life had been discarded, but I didn't know the details of how and/or why.  I'm not sure that I would fight for a police officer having to look down the barrel of a gun before making a judgment call because then it would be too late.  I don't have an expectation of perfection when it comes to policing, but lives are far to important to keep making the same mistakes and seeing the same phantom weapons because you see a face with dark skin.  If I were to protest, I'd like to be able to present the idea from a different perspective, one that makes an actual difference and opens eyes to what I'm seeing.  But, without the detailed knowledge of the situation, I feel like I'd just be another unarmed black male awaiting execution by public opinion (Fox News).

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Acting White & Stereotypes

I found myself discussing Lalapalooza recently.  I have never been to the event, but I know that it's a huge event that happens here in Chicago annually.  My former coworkers in New York would book flights to come to Chicago, just to attend this event.  I've always kinda assumed what was brought to my attention during my recent conversations, that this was a "young white" event or at best a "non-black" event.

My conversations forced me to analyze the thought that a music festival is a young white people's event.  One of the people I had the conversation with supported the concept by telling me that her coworkers told her that the event is for a younger white crowd.  I know that different events are geared toward different audiences, but I questioned if this was really true.  Considering that Caucasians represent the majority of people in this country, wouldn't everything from a business perspective be geared toward that group?  In my debate I asked the question, then what events are there for young or middle-aged descendants of Africa?  Silence.

The reality of that question hits hard.  If you've grown up in this country then the media and personal experience will tell you the true answer.  If you ask that question to someone publicly, you'll probably get the PC answer or an I don't know.  But, true based on statistics or not, most people will either think or subconsciously think rap/hip-hop concerts or something more negative like jail or participating in illegal activities.  This is probably why I spent a majority of my younger life indoors and not interact with people in my neighborhood.  Maybe I'm only expressing my own subconscious thoughts and not those of the majority, but the fact that these are the first answers that come to my mind as a middle-aged descendant of Africa (born & raise in America) is a problem.  Everything that I do isn't based on what America's population believes I should do, but I have to admit that it greatly influences the way that I think and probably my actions.

I find myself reminiscing on when my coworker told me that I strike him as angry & violent.  When I asked him why, he gave the magic answer - I don't know.  This is why the first thought when a descendant of Africa is murdered by a police officer isn't why did the police officer feel the need to use deadly force, but what kind of person is the victim.  For most of my life, I've probably only participated in activities that I felt were "black" because I wanted to feel comfortable doing so and not feel that insecure feeling that a descendant of Africa feels when walking into an all-Caucasian bar or event.  I didn't teach myself what it was to "act black" just like the children of tomorrow won't teach themselves.  We as Americans and especially fellow Americans that are descendants of Africa need to watch what we say and how we define what's "black".  The movie Dope emphasizes this concept as well.  Let's stop saying and more importantly, let's stop thinking that things of a positive nature are only to be associated with the majority.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Dark Night

I have seen commercials that read off long lists of side effects. One kinda stood out to me. Night terrors. I remember when I first heard it I thought, 'Why not just say nightmares?' Well last night I figured out the difference.

It took two experiences for me to define it, but I knew what it was before looking up the definition. Two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night. My entire arm was numb. I hopped out of the bed shaking and rubbing my arm trembling inside and pacing next to my bed. My wife asked what was wrong and I tried not to explain. That night I took a Unisom sleeping pill, then I felt a little sick, so I took Nightquil so maybe it was a bad mix.

Then last night I took another Unisom. I awoke in the middle of the night again. I was extremely terrified again. I kept thinking about death and it happening inevitably, how I quickly it could happen and how unprepared I am for it. I tried to rationalize the fear away, but it was as if I had been sprayed with the Scarecrow's fear concoction. This wasn't a thought I hadn't thought of before, but much more intense this time. When I woke up this morning, I knew I had been experiencing night terrors. I haven't found them as a side effect of the medication but I have about 40 pills left and I still have trouble sleeping.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Life Lesson

Me Against The World. Fuck The World. If you guessed 2pac, you were right. These are 2 of the many 2pac songs I like and a conversation that I had last night reminded me of why. Last night I explained to a friend that as a kid if there was a girl that I liked that didn’t think I was worth the time of day, my mother would say, “Fuck her.” He laughed and said that he was thinking the same thought as I paused before speaking my mother’s thought. I confirmed that if a person doesn’t appreciate/value you, then “Fuck him/her.” When I was in college, I dedicated myself to the only vehicle I had to attend college, a national NROTC scholarship that I was awarded. The people in the program, which included my friend, were like family to me. The closest biological family that I knew of were multiple states away. NROTC students stayed in upper classmen dorms so I didn’t have opportunities to gel with other new students that were looking to form new relationship. I assumed that all of the people in the program knew and shared those feelings to the extent that arguments/disagreements wouldn’t stop us from being family. We started out with about twenty people in our class and after two years there was only about six of us. In my junior year, I got kicked out of the program. After that I would still talk to the final six, but our paths rarely crossed outside of parties and besides one of the six and one of the original twenty, no one really attempted to keep a friendship going. There were only about four out of the six of us that graduated on time and to my knowledge, three of the six went into the Navy after college. A few years later, I found out that one of the six was getting married and my friend was the best man. Five out of the six attended the wedding. There have been very few places that I’ve gone where I have started meaningful relationships. My friend makes friends easily. Even members of my family, including my mom, have tons of friends of varying degrees. I have never been good at making or keeping friends. People interact with me, sometimes closely, but temporarily. The people that I’ve worked with don’t mix their personal lives with their work lives and I’m not the type of person to impose myself on others. I have met a ton of people throughout my lifetime, but most don’t stick. Logic would lead me to believe that those people don’t value me. In taking the advice of two of the people that are close to me and honing in on my fill in the blank skills I’m left with, “Fuck The World.” I’m a very forgetful person and before last night’s conversation I forgot about the issues that I’ve had with relationships that are mutually valued. I even had the nerve to wonder if I could be a successful politician. Lately, I’ve been thinking about everything in terms of being a politician and winning votes. From appearing in court in front of a jury, to being a fan favorite athlete, to winning over interviewers for a job. I can’t even convince family members to return phone calls or former co workers to recognize my existence, but somehow I thought I could convince strangers to believe in me and elect me in an election. Memories of why I didn’t want children were reintroduced to me last night. Currently, it’s me against the world. Though I know that misery loves company, I dread having to explain to a child that because he/she doesn’t possess any value to the world at large he/she needs to take the “Fuck The World” approach.