Trapped

Not In This District!

This link is a link to the story of a woman that used a false address to get her kids in a better school. I thought that the actual written article would give more detail, but it seems like the written story is just a transcript of the video.

I know that there are 3 sides to every story, so I've been trying to think about this one from a couple of perspectives. Of course, I love analogies so I thought about this one in terms of Internet usage. Everyone puts a password on their wireless service because they don't want someone getting the service they pay for, for free. I feel like that it a similar situation to how rich people don't want the poor to benefit from their higher quality of education. They deserve the best because they can afford the best. However, the confusing part to me is that if you use someone's address, that person is paying taxes. To me that would be like making it illegal to go to a family member or friend's house to use their Internet or making it illegal to go to a swimming pool in your friend or family member's apartment complex.

Another thing that I noticed about this article is that the woman chants, "I think they wanted to make an example out of me. I don't think it was about the money."

Maybe it's just me, but it is about the money! If nothing else, it's about the money. Yes, they are making an example out of you because they don't want their schools infested with children that desire a better education and can't afford it. However, if you had money you wouldn't be going to jail. And private investigators wouldn’t be following your children home. I’m awfully curious as to how private investigators determine which students to follow home. They must stand out in some way.

Perception number two is that this is wrong. Even in perspective number one, I couldn’t understand how this could be right. Does that mean that I really didn’t have another perspective? Probably. Kids that I tried to teach that really wanted to learn but couldn't because of the terrible learning environment came to mind as I watched this story. 2pac’s song Trapped came to mind. Democracy came to mind. The media came to mind. Powerless came to mind. The fact that if you Google search Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel’s name shows up 11 times and Richard Daley’s name shows up 7 times, but the election hasn’t taken place yet comes to mind. It’s a good thing that people believe in the American Dream because if they didn’t believe in it, it probably wouldn’t exist.

Fear

For 5 years, I taught in inner city schools trying to convince students that they could do what they felt was impossible. It was my job to convince students that felt like they were so far behind academically (and at times their feelings were accurate) to stay in the classroom and try their best. Some of the students couldn’t be convinced and refused to face possible failure. In my mind it didn’t make sense; they didn’t have any other option. Fly or die, sink or swim, there really is no other option. However, the idea of failure without trying wasn’t as hurtful as trying and then failing. I’ve heard similar examples; they all seem to be one of those easier said than done types of proposals.

In my quest to change careers I find myself sitting in my own class, trying to convince myself not to fear failure. I thought that it would be much easier than this to change careers. Every job gives you on the job training, doesn’t it? Doesn’t every class teach you before they test you? Now I find myself pursuing the one career that tests you before the job. I’m running through the Internet like a chicken with my head cut off trying to research the skills that I need to master for the test (the interview) & they change with every opening position.

I’m tempted to change my goal and look at a different profession and start at the bottom and work my way up. However, I’m afraid that I’ll be aiming for something easy that won’t challenge me and will eventually become boring for me, then I’ll be right back at one. I think to myself, is it reasonable to tell an 9th grader that struggles with multiplication that they can still become a math major in college? Is it reasonable as a 45 year old Alderman to still have dreams of becoming the President? How late is too late? I’ve heard that it’s never too late, but is that really true? I’m in a situation where I want to aim high, but I don’t want to set an unreasonable goal. In Men In Black, J reminds K of the old saying that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. J responds by saying try it. I would say the same applies to trying and failing. In theory it’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all.

Thank You Mr. Crab

So, I've been unemployed for a while now and trying to find my way. Along with my unemployment came feelings of being unaccomplished and frustration. I felt like I was 18 all over again. Thoughts of going to the military to gain some skills and make myself more marketable. Thoughts of going to college again. Feeling like I wasted years of my life in education now that I'm going in a different direction.

My mother reunited with an old friend and bragged about his connections/network. He had me call some people for what I assumed to be guidance and support. I spoke with two of them. One was a younger guy around my age that was very encouraging. The other seems to be older and possibly more accomplished. The older one had a no nonsense approached and ended up advising me, "cut the hair, cut the crap."

Maybe I was foolish enough to believe that the world wasn't so caught up in being clean cut. I guess I saw that episode of Living Single when Kyle refused to cut his hair and made the mistake of thinking that was based on reality. My conversations through email got more intense with this older guy and eventually ended up in me exploding and telling him what I thought about him. To me he was another example of a black man that excels and instead of helping uplift others kicks them while they're down. Luckily I had the privilege of communicating with this guy.

I remember writing a poem called ex-girlfriend. The last line of the poem was the deepest to me. It said, "A young black man trying to survive in this world, who woulda thought that his poison would be a young black girl."

I know that I'm still young, but reflecting on that line now, I can see how young I truly was when I wrote that statement. I had heard the stories about black people being like crabs in the barrel, pulling each other down. The more I experience life, the more I am revealed to the truth in that story. As militant and pro black as I feel inside, it goes against all of the logic that I should have obtained from my experiences. Black people have always been more detrimental to me in life and yet I constantly speak of racism and bias from white people. Is there something wrong with me?

Love vs In Love

Today I was listening to Steve Harvey on the radio. I stopped listening to Steve Harvey a while back because I didn't like his all about women kiss ass technique of giving advice. But, when I chime in on an seemingly interesting conversation on the radio, I usually stop to hear the debate. He was advising a woman that when a man says he loves you but is not in love with you it really means he can live without you.

To me it is annoying when people compare love with in love. I honestly thought these were terms made up by women to continue to make it difficult to communicate with others. I guess that if you are in love with someone it means, you currently love them and if you love someone it means that you loved them at some point, but you don't love them the same anymore. Instead of saying, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, why don't people just say I loved you or I don't love you anymore??

I tried to relate to this idea by thinking about an ex girlfriend. If she were to ask me if I love her, I'd say no. Did I ever love her at some point, yes, but do I currently love her, no. I wouldn't use in love or love to describe the way I feel about her. If you are no longer "in love" with someone, that simply means you don't love them. Maybe you still care for them but why use the term love to describe what you don't currently feel? Seems misleading to me.

Maybe some feel that love is supposed to be unconditional, so if you ever loved someone you will always love them. I doubt this is the case, but if it is most people don't love unconditionally. We usually love the other person under the condition that they still love us. I guess I'm weird in believing that love is love. When I tell someone I love them it means, that I care for them on a deep level, the deepest level that a word could express. That applies to everyone that I tell that to. My love for two people may be different, but the meaning of love stays the same. To say you love someone, but are not in love with them is just a way to confuse someone into believing that your feeling are deeper that what they truly are. Simply put it's just a way to be deceitful.

New Quote

"Those who want everything get nothing because they aren't satisfied with something."

I guess life inspired this quote. I love quotes and old sayings because I find them useful and very insightful. Whenever I come up with something, I'm worried that it was just something that I heard somewhere and its not really something original. I love this quote though. It applies to multiple situations and I feel that it is true more often than not, especially in my experiences.

While I'm writing right now, I am reflecting on a time when this quote was very applicable. College. I remember hearing about high rates of unemployed college graduates while I was in school and it didn't come as a surprise to me. Although, I didn't know a lot of unemployed college graduates in my mind, it just made sense. I imagined people that graduated college and thought that the struggle was over. After graduating they expected employers to knock at their doors to recognize their accomplishments. When employers didn't knock down their doors, they went looking with extremely high expectations. When they didn't find that 100K+ position willing to hire them, they wouldn't settle and decided that unemployment would be better. Again, I didn't know many, but in my mind this is how it worked out. Those who want everything get nothing because they aren't satisfied with something.

That word settle bothers me. I remember watching a broadcast about why there are so many single black women. Although, I recognize the lack of "suitable" black male counterparts for black women in our society, this triggered more thinking. Women love to talk about how they are not willing to settle, but I think that more often than not their lists of requirements are unreasonable. At age 21 when women are sought out by a majority of men suitable and unsuitable that list contains 30 requirements (give or take 30 requirements based on how beautiful society at large considers that woman). When that woman approaches 30, whether beautiful or not, the list has lost a minimum of 15 requirements. For some reason, the 30 year old woman doesn't consider her lack of requirements settling anymore. She thinks back to the men that possessed 19 of her 30 requirements that she wouldn't give the time of day back then. Now that she would consider talking to him, for some reason he's not as passionate about her. Is this the wisdom that only comes with age? Those who want everything get nothing because they aren't satisfied with something.

I consider myself a jack of all trades type of person. I still feel that I can do anything I put my mind to. I wonder to myself, 'Why am I paying someone else for this when I can do it myself?' After all if he/she can do it, why can’t I? Taxes, car repairs, providing information, etc. But then reality hits me and I realize that there is no way I can learn to do everything. That was when this quote first hit me. I felt that I was the jack of some trades and the master of none. That thought first came to mind when a friend talked to me about moving to Africa. I entertained the idea, but I couldn't imagine moving and not having any skills to contribute to my society. Since quitting the teaching profession, I have struggle with feeling useless. I don't regret my years of teaching because if nothing else it provided me with a wealth of stories and memories. However, since looking for a new career I have realized that I'm 27 years old. Not old by any stretch of the imagination to the unyoung, but when I'm looking at my 27 year old counterparts with multiple children, married, 5 years into their mortgage it makes me feel like I wasted 5 years of my life. A majority of these people have experience in a field that they can teach. Maybe I could have been a teacher teacher if I was a good teacher, but I'm sure I don't have enough experience for that. Now I am seeking to become good if not great at something. I wonder to myself if I haven't gained a skill because I was so busy trying to get all the skills and learn everything. Those who want everything get nothing because they aren't satisfied with something.

Perception Is Reality

The phrase that I have as my title is on that captured my attention many years ago. I understood this phrase, but I would have a hard time explaining its meaning to others. I feel that a lot of situations can be defined by this idea. When I try to explain it to people, I think they confuse the statement perception is reality with perception is truth.

Whenever I make the statement, I give a situation that I was given to help understand the meaning. A rumor. Tammy is a virgin. Someone starts the rumor that Tammy is a slut and sleeps with everyone. Although the truth is that Tammy is a virgin, everyone is under the believe that Tammy is a slut because of the rumors that they have heard. Those who don't know the truth, only know the rumor and treat Tammy as such. Since everyone believes that Tammy is a slut and Tammy is treated as such, the reality is that Tammy is a slut. The truth is that Tammy is a virgin.

This thought applies to many other situations that I think about on a day to day basis. When I think about the powerful affect of stereotypes and their effects. Whenever I meet someone from a culture outside of my own, its sparks great interest. I'm interested because of my open mindedness and my understanding that although perception is reality, it is not always truth. I want to learn first hand about the individual I'm encountering, their family, and their perspective of their culture. Although, I have already had ideas implanted in my mind prior to meeting them based on the media and previous experiences, I try not to let those experiences cement my ideas on who that person is.

Unfortunately many people are not aware that perception is not always reality. There are plenty of people who believe that all black people are dangerous, violent, criminals. More unfortunate is the idea that perception guides who many become. Although Tammy was a virgin, over time she may feel defeated by the idea that everyone perceives her as a slut and feel that there is no reason to maintain her virginity if it has no value to those perceiving who she is.

Why Are Men So Afraid Of Commitment?

As always, I don’t speak for a whole group of people just because I am an element in the set.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Two people decide that they love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Despite the fact that most people won’t die at the same exact age, 41 to 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. I’m pretty sure that this is a well-known fact and I’m not trying to discourage marriage, but I’d like to explain why marriage is scary to me personally. This is one supporting fear, not so much marriage, but divorce.

#1 – Divorce. I don’t like to go into any venture with a negative outlook, but the number of divorce seems to be everywhere. Everyone makes mistakes, but divorce is a pretty big one. Being a former math teacher, I recognize that everyone makes mistakes (and the importance of erasers on pencils). Everyday mistakes include missing a lay-up in a pick up game, getting dissed by a random chick, or tripping over your own feet walking down the street. Divorce makes up a different set of mistakes. Other mistakes in that group are accidentally running over a child with your car, tripping over your own feet with a pencil in your hand and poking Mike Tyson in the eye with that pencil, or confronting the other man that’s having sex with your girlfriend in the back of the car you bought on Cheaters and getting knocked out 2 minutes later for the world to see.

For a better understanding see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w8Wp6dsQDo

#2 – Death. In my personal and possibly selfish opinion, the union of husband and wife would also represent the death of self for me. Not literally, but in taking on the responsibility of heading a family you have to make major changes. That to me means, lots of sacrifice, including your own personal happiness. I have seen and heard so many cases where people stay at a job they hate because of the need to provide for a family. I can’t help but compare it to my most recent career situation. For the current me, the loss of a job was pride crushing and insulting. For married me, that would have meant extreme financial hardship, an excuse for my wife to tell everyone that I’m worthless and get advice that she can do better, and possibly a drug or alcohol addiction. It’s not that I’m not willing to give up my own life and dedicate it to the happiness of a child, but I still feel too young to give up self-happiness. Maybe I just haven’t experiences the amount of happiness as most others or maybe happiness for others is providing happiness for someone other than themselves.

#3 – Change. I believe in sayings although I know that many of them are contradictory and situational. Two sayings that have always resonated with me are, “Never say never” and “Nothing lasts forever.” Of course, never say never because I’m a math teacher and that’s a double negative (a negative times a negative is a positive). No, but seriously these both made a lot of sense to me. Nothing lasts forever, really stood out to me when Andre 3000 used it in one of his songs (Hey Ya!). By the end of college, most people recognize that they’re completely different than they were in high school. That’s only 8 years! So what do you do 12 years into a marriage, when bodies and mentalities have changed? For many people, it doesn’t matter because at that point their love for their children and financial ties will take care of thoughts of divorce.

I’m sure that within 2-3 years after writing this I’ll be married, but I felt the desire to share this thought while I was thinking it. This may not answer many questions, but hopefully it will inspire thought which is a big part of the reason I write my blogs.