When I taught high school, I learned that people don’t mean what they say. As a general rule, we as a people say what we’re supposed to say. I say, “How are you?” You say, “Fine.”
As an adult, if you ask a high school student what they plan to do after college 98% of them will answer go to college. It doesn’t matter if the student never receives a passing grade, hates school, or can’t afford to go to college, they will always respond with college because it’s the right thing to say. Many times, people say things without thought or consideration. This led me to wonder if people mean it when they say I love myself. It’s not socially acceptable to say that you don’t love yourself or to lack confidence, so even if the latter is true, you never say it.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about interracial dating. In my mind the question posed was can you date outside of your race and still have pride and love for your own race? As a non-discriminatory dater who has dated outside of my race, I argued that it is very possible. I firmly believed this because I maintained my pride and love throughout my interracial relationship as I attended a historically black college. Then yesterday happened and questions arose.
Yesterday I saw a television show with a plus sized model. She said that she likes to date skinny or muscular men. This made me think about the actress/comedian Mo’Nique who has a clothing line named Big Beautiful and Loving It. It seems that in the current society your goal should not be self improvement, but self acceptance. Although I didn’t announce it, the first thought that ran through my mind was, if you love yourself so much why aren’t you attracted to people that are like you?
Usually when I think a thought like that, my mind reaches out for an analogy. Of course I quickly recognized that my latest thought countered my previous thought. As a black man who loves myself and has pride in who I am, why wouldn’t I date someone who is the same race as me? I still feel that my argument stands because I didn’t date outside of my race due to preference, but circumstance. However, I do recognize that there are many cases where this isn’t the case. The question then would be, can you truly love yourself and dislike those that are like you?
Socially, it is acceptable to date people that are not like you, but does that conflict with the ideals of self love. In college, I can recall several short girls telling me that they would never date a short guy. Their rationale was often because they didn’t want to have short children. Can you hate qualities that make you who you are and still love yourself?
Would it be okay to say, I only date white women because I don’t want to have black children, but then say I love myself?
What you are describing is people being hypocritical. One thought cannot support the other. If I hate the sun then how can I love mornings or If I hate the feel of sand how can I love going to the beach. However, if I like to go out at night it does not mean I hate the mornings or the sun. And if I don't like to swim it doesn't mean I don't enjoy building sand castles or playing volley ball on the beach. What you love or enjoy does not negate other things that you enjoy or love. If a man loves his wife, does he hate his mother, but if a man hates women he then hates his wife and mother.
ReplyDeleteBasically, yes the girls who does not like short-men really don't like themselves, because they don't want short children, but they were someone's short child. Yes, if you want to marry white women to not have black children then yes, you do hate black people. If you love a white women because she is a good person, she makes you feel good about yourself. Then you don't hate black women you just want to be happy.
I feel like your statements are just supporting arguments to what I've said. The issue is, how do you know? When you look at a person, you cannot tell whether they are dating outside of who they are due to self hate or random occurrence. This is why I didn't agree with the loud yell of, "SELL OUT" when my friend saw an interracial couple. However, we as people do prejudge as natural. I guess my ultimate question is about preference. If you prefer to date light skin women and you have dark skin is it because you don't like your own skin or is it just the common preference excuse? If you don't prefer yourself, do you still love yourself?
ReplyDeleteNo, if you don't prefer yourself, no you don't love yourself. I think we can all agree that is a form of self-hate. But, how one defines oneself is different for each person. I don't see height as a defining characteristic. When I see a short person with a tall person I don't automatically think self-hate is at play. Race, on the other hand is a defining characteristic for me. For someone who is into interracial dating, something else may be what defines them. They might say we're all just human or religion or economic status might be more important to them.
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